10 years of time, remembering, grieving, celebrating

Two days ago marked exactly 10 years since Natalie’s passing.

It’s weird to read those words: 10 years since Natalie’s passing.

One entire decade has passed since I last had someone in my life. And not just “someone,” but a dear friend. 

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Each year I think it will get easier.

I don’t know if it has.

It gets tougher for different reasons.

Do I still remember exactly what her voice sounded like?

Am I still recalling events that happened with her exactly as they happened?

Because, that’s the thing with events — even important ones — they become memories that eventually fade.

And that makes me feel uncomfortable.

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But, what I do know is that if it weren’t for Natalie, I wouldn’t be running marathons. And, running marathons has been the greatest gift I have given myself in my adult life. So, I have her to thank. She is helping me grow even though she is not physically present with me.

I still look in the direction of her house when I drive down her street. It doesn’t happen often that I drive down this street but when I do, I never hesitate to look. I don’t know what I’m expecting since her parents have long moved from this house. To me, it’ll always be Natalie’s house.

Today on my run home, I ran part of Green Lake and I glanced at that big grassy area across from the trail near Lower Woodland to see if I might find a bunny hopping around. Natalie and I would always go to that grassy area to chase after the rabbits, and take photos of them. The rabbits have been gone for years but I always look across the street for them.

I’m at a good place in life right now. But, this time of year is never easy.

That just goes to show what a wonderful person Natalie was.

A part of me will never stop missing you.

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4 thoughts on “10 years of time, remembering, grieving, celebrating

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  4. Reblogged this on Ready, set, KO! and commented:

    The sentiments are still the same since I wrote this post two years ago. Although, I have grown a lot in the past two years. I overcame a year-plus running injury. I excelled at my job. I got engaged.

    Sometimes when I go through life milestones, I get sad because it means I’m leaving behind my childhood friend.

    Natalie will always be 17 years old. And, I think a part of me will always be grieving.

    The grief just changes over time.

    I ran Green Lake today and it was the sunniest and happiest I’ve seen it all year. I didn’t cry. But, I am now.

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