Checking your horoscope

I checked my horoscope today. I wouldn’t say I’m superstitious or buy into only being able to be friends with certain types of people if our “stars align.”

Others appreciate your generous nature, but don’t give it all away. Save some for later. You may feel like you need a change. Rearrange the furniture to renew the space.

That was my horoscope. Well, the one that the Times had — I’m sure there are a variety of May 28 horoscopes for Geminis floating around. I check my horoscope when I miss her. I’m not sure what she found interesting about them — they were just a fun thing to read while she ate her breakfast.

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Natalie was really smart. And not smart in the, raise-my-hand-for-every-question-like-Hermione-Granger kind of smart. She was no show-off but was dedicated to her studies, which was evident by the fact that she was accepted into the academy at the University of Washington and began her undergraduate studies two years before the rest of us while we were still worrying about who to ask to the next high school tolo dance.

It’s now been five years since she’s been gone. We were only 18 years old. Kids are not supposed to be mourning the loss of other kids.

The scariest part about growing up is not that I don’t know what I am truly meant to do in life. It’s getting older. Every year I add to my age is one more year I feel as if I am distancing myself away from Natalie.

And so, even though I love my grandma in Japan for remembering that I have a birthday coming up and sending me a card a week-and-a-half early, it reminds me that more time continues to pass.

They say that mourning the loss of a loved one gets easier as time goes on. I’m sure it does, but I haven’t seen it yet.

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OK, you’re telling me that I’m really bringing the mood down at this party. I’m sorry! Who invited you anyway? — I’m kidding, I’m grateful that you continue to read this blog entry after random entry.

Running is a big part of my life. Marathon-running hadn’t always been included. In fact, it’s kind of ironic because although she knew me as a runner, Natalie never knew me as a marathoner. I ran my first half-marathon a month-and-a-half after her passing. And after I ran that first half, I ran several more half-marathons telling myself that 13.1 miles was my max race distance. Running half-marathons do hurt, and although I can do them without any training (yes, I’ve done it, and no, I do not advise it,) I always pushed the idea of running a full marathon away because if running 13.1 miles hurts that much I didn’t want to know what it would feel like after finishing 26.2 miles.

But last year, I ran my first full marathon. Because of Natalie.

My friend Joanna decided to train with Team In Training and raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS) and race the Vancouver Marathon in honor and memory of Nat. At first when I heard it was a full marathon, my mind started wandering, but as soon as she said we’d be fundraising for LLS and the race date would be on the anniversary of Natalie’s death, I knew I couldn’t say no. Running that race and individually raising more than $3,000 for LLS (with the help of many of you — thank you!) has been one of my “top life moments” if I were to keep such list.

—However—

For just right now though, let me be sad and read my horoscope. Maybe I’ll take its advise and rearrange the furniture.

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